I saw the comment "make more moves and less announcements", and a light bulb went off. I've been driving myself crazy over the past few weeks over what else, a guy, who has tons of female friends on Facebook, most that look like Video Vixens. He doesn't know, and will probably never met the majority of them, but it drives me crazy. They take selfies in the gym, in lingerie, skin-tight dresses, and have hundreds of likes for every picture they post, including likes from him. Granted the dude is a totally different issue for which I could write a book, but my response to seeing the girls photos is what really bothers me. I've even found myself posting pics, comments, and memes in an effort to get his attention, all of which is not only petty but pointless. I consider myself a pretty together person. I have worked very hard to like myself body and soul, so how do I go from female empowerment to "whatever bitch, you look basic anyway", in 2.5 seconds?
We women boast of being independent, strong, confident, and fabulous, but let's be honest we are human. We can be petty, insecure, and often times what we boast of is in defense of how we really feel. We claim to have it all together, yet countless industries profit billions of dollars annually off our insecurities. There is nothing wrong with loving yourself enough to want to improve, but that's not always the case. So yeh, I'll admit to feeling insecure and less than fabulous when the guy I like is liking pictures from women who look nothing like me.
I'll admit I sometimes feel like I'm competing with these sexy girls willing to bare all in the name of getting likes, followers, and attention. Every time I have the urge to take a picture, filter it, photo shop, and then refresh my page over and over to see if he's "liked" my new post, its a defeat. Still, I know I'm not alone. I'm sure many people can admit to trying to manufacture a story of themselves on social media, and worse, doing it for people they probably don't even know.
So that also got me to thinking about all these "friends" on his page. Again, nothing wrong with feeling good, looking good, and being confident, but why the need to take selfies at every f**king opportunity. Why do they need to be seen, and why do they need others to see so much of them? It's like they're asking the world the question "does this dress make my ass look fat?" If pictures tell a story theirs would go a little something like this.... Oh look I went to the gym, do you like my muscles? I just took a shower look at me standing in my towel. Look at me sitting suggestively in this chair. Look at me in my sexy lingerie. Look at me looking at you looking at my ass. Look at me, look at me, look at me! I'm not saying there is anything wrong with wanting to feel your best and posting a pic, but intention is everything.
There is difference between needing attention and approval via likes and comments for your photos, and simply posting a pic to share with friends. It's all fantasy. Maybe its a flawless celebrity or that girl with abs of steel on Instagram who has you convinced you should start doing sit ups, but the truth is, it's not the whole truth. There are lighting tricks, camera angles, and filters to help anyone with a need for attention seem a little more "perfect". I don't know who these girls are with 300 male strangers that liked the pic of them standing half naked in a mirror, but if she needs the approval of strangers and the stares of any man with a wifi connection, maybe we both have insecurities. Not all pretty girls know they are beautiful all the time. I'm one of them. Even worse, some pretty girls don't know who they are at all. They do however know social media provides all the instant gratification, attention, and a number of other ego boosting benefits that are the stuff of a narcissist wet dream.
I don't want to be one of those women who feel so insecure about my appearance that I can't compliment another woman on hers. I don't ever want the very thing that I desire to be denied to me because I denied it in someone else. I don't want to post pictures to compete with anyone, or gain appreciation from everyone. I only want to post pictures because they replace a thousand words. I shouldn't get the urge to take photos of myself every time I'm in the gym, in heels, in a sexy outfit, eating, drinking, supposedly living, but only if you saw me do it. Live your life ladies! Yes take photos and keep them as memories, snap a pic when you are feeling gorgeous and proud of your appearance, but always keep in mind the attitude and intention you have with that photo. Is it for you, or is it for whomever might be scrolling through your page?
I am making a commitment to live my life in the present and not need to capture every moment and post. People were getting along just fine before the era of camera phones and the need to show and tell. As strong, beautiful women I hope we all feel a little less intimidated by the fantasies others create for themselves, and learn to live in our own real world. I'm going to start by not looking at that dude's Facebook page. He can like whoever he wants, but I need to love me. No filter.