Dirty 30

There is something about birthdays as we get older than seem to prompt these deep introspective audits of what we have achieved in life…..or maybe thats just me. One day I’m mounting a Moulin Rouge poster in the dorm, the next day I’m complaining about taxes. It all comes and goes so fast and now I wonder if I was ever really present for any of it. I just turned the big 3-0 and all I could think about in my last days of being 20-something was what have I done with my life, and why aren’t I where I thought I’d be by now?

I’m not married, no kids, just quit my job, living with my parents, and I’ve never owned a passport. Granted my relationships sucked, I don’t even like kids, my job was shortening my life span, and I’d rather stay home and save money, then live in a van down by the river, but I digress. So what is 30 supposed to look like? My parent’s generation would say it looks like marriage, kids and paying into a 401K plan so I can enjoy my retirement. Sex in the City made 30 something look like adventurous fun with an endless sea of eligible bachelors and a closet full of fabulous shoes. My life doesn’t resemble either….so what gives?

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I’ve been asking myself this question for about 2 months now and I think I might have the answer. In our fast paced never present world all us 80’s babies are immersed in online dating being the norm, reality T.V dominating the networks, and social media replacing actual human interaction. What elder can I turn to and ask what did you do when you were 20-something and could use a phone to do everything but make a call? What was it like when media bombarded you with tips and tricks on everything from how to find a man to how to lose 10lbs in 5 days? No one has ever done this before, our parents have no concept of the world we live in as young adults. We are all just figuring things out for the first time the best way we can.

I had nothing figured out in my 20s but if I could do it all over again I would tell myself to enjoy the process. There is no “supposed to”, that’s the old way of thinking. There is no check list of criteria to prove you went through life the right way. I think I was most miserable in my 20s when I tried to cut down and cut off the parts of myself that didn’t fit the common mold. I had to get clear on my limiting beliefs, misguided intentions, and self inflicted shame, and only then did I start to see “hey, this life thing ain’t that bad.” Nothing is easy, but it’s not as hard as we make it, and that’s why I plan to make the rest of my life, the best of my life.There is a quote I love that says “you’re story is the key that can unlock someone else’s prison” and that philosophy is why I’ve decided to blog about  my adventures and misadventures of getting my sh*t together, finding happiness, and finding out what I want to be when I grow up...if I ever decide to do so.